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I am a wife, mother,grandmother, aunt, dog and cat owner, professional buyer, reader, movie lover. I love reading blogs and now I am writing one.

Monday, June 25, 2012

HELP ME, I have agreed with a Kardashian

I cannot stand the Kardashians.  I do not get the Kardashians.  Last year, I was home sick clicking through channels.  I came across an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians.  I watched for five-minute, then my eyes started bleeding so I snatched up the remote to get the drivel off my TV!

SO, why am I about to defend Kris Jenner?  It truly pains me to say that I am going to defend her because I …agree with her on something.  It hurt to type that!

I came across a link to a video on TooFab. Kris Jenner Defends Giving Kim Birth Control at 14.

In the video, Kris talks about Kim coming to her and discussing her feelings about sexuality.  Kris does not go into each and every detail (a surprise to me as that is what I thought she and her family get paid to do).  The gist of the conversation is clear.  Kim was considering becoming sexually active.  Her relationship with her mother was obviously a close one.  Kris said she got in her car and drove as fast as possible to the family gynecologist, the doctor who delivered each of her children and her first grandchild.  Kris told the trusted family doctor what Kim was considering.  She then left Kim and the doctor to discuss everything that this decision entails. 

The outcome?  Birth control.  Kim has said that she was almost 15.  Kris said she was 15.  Critics say she was 14.  I say, who cares.  If she planned to have sex with someone nothing short of locking her in a closet was going to stop it.  

Kim’s parenting philosophy is healthy, happy, and educated.  Mine is too.  The revelation that I agree with something that came out of Kris Jenner’s mouth has not morphed me into a Kardashian fan.  Not! Happening!  Ever!!  Nevertheless, I do believe that a smart parent must be open to supporting their child 100%.  That means in the good choices and the questionable choices.  

I wanted my daughter to wait.  I was not a “thou shalt wait until marriage” kind of parent. 
I did want her to wait for THE one.  If not THE one then the really, really, MAYBE one.  I was smart enough to know that no matter what I wanted, no matter how much I talked to her about waiting, she was going to make the decision herself. 

I decided that I would climb out on to the tightrope and navigate over the white water rapids of parenting.  Telling my child what I believed was the right choice while at the same time keeping her safe.  That meant open discussions about sex.  I felt it important for her to be able to discuss anything with me without embarrassment, no matter the topic.  I knew this meant that there could be conversations that would be uncomfortable for me.  The trade off was, in my opinion, worth it.

Of course, I wanted her to avoid teen pregnancy.  Absolutely, I wanted her to avoid STDs.  However, there was something else I wanted her to avoid.  I did not want her to have a series of bad experiences that screwed up her adult sex life.

Believe me, none of this was easy.  I was determined to “do it better” than my mother.  For my mother there was one choice, abstinence until marriage. There was nothing to talk about.  She told me how it was going to be and she believed that I would comply.  She and I went to the obligatory mother/daughter "becoming a woman" talk when I was in middle school.  With that done, there was no more talk.  That was "the talk".  That's what I got.  I was woefully unprepared for sex.  I waited for what I thought was THE one.  Any "feelings" I had up until THE one were kept secret and private.  What happened next is a long story for another time.  Of all the things that THE one taught me, the worst was that any sexual "issues" were mine to deal with.  I came to think I was broken; incapable of experiencing any pleasure from the sex.  I really did not want that to happen to my daughter.

I started my daughter in birth control at 15 ½.  I also bought a box of condoms.  My directive to her was, I want you to wait, but I want you to be safe above all things.  No matter what, you must talk to me even if you think I will be upset or disappointed.  I vowed to her that for my part, I would always remain calm and I would always listen, even if I were upset or disappointed.  Throughout the next few years, she talked to me.  She asked questions.  She asked my opinion.  There were times I felt uncomfortable.  I kept up my end of the bargain and so did she.

She is now 23 and expecting her first child.  She is a happy and well-adjusted young woman.  I know she will be a great mom.  It is a boy, by the way.  My hope is that she will be open with her son.  I hope that she will take my philosophy, perfect it, and make it her own.  I hope that she sends her son into the world as prepared as possible to be a healthy, happy and educated person. 

I still cannot believe that I found anything that came from the mouth of a Kardashian valuable, let alone equal to my own beliefs.  I guess that proves that a broken clock is right twice a day.  I mean her, of course, and not me....I am right 24/7!  

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